


What Always Was, Will Always Be

by annsgopal94



Category: Mahabharata - Vyasa, महाभारत | Mahabharat (TV 2013)
Genre: Cheerharan, Comfort, F/M, Helplessness, Nirvastra, vastraharan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 12:52:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2270466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annsgopal94/pseuds/annsgopal94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m battling monsters, I’m pulling you out of the burning buildings/ and you say I’ll give you anything but you never come through.”<br/>-Richard Silken, Crush</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Always Was, Will Always Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ninemuses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninemuses/gifts).



> Based on the above quote.   
> Disclaimer: This work includes lyrics from the song Nindiya Re by the band Kaavish, which are not mine. I do not claim either the song or it’s lyrics; all rights go to the producers and band.

There was very little light in the room, Draupadi had seen to that. All the curtains were drawn shut, and no lamp was lit. The darkness was of little comfort to her; and Arjun as well, who stood in the doorway of his wife’s room, with their last meal at Indraprastha.

He could identify her location only by her almost inaudible sobbing. He walked up to her and made out that she had buried her face in her knees, her arms thrown about them for extra protection- because that was what she wanted. Protection from the rocks and shards of her reality, of the past, the present, and the future.

Arjun’s heart broke anew. Here, his wife cried like a little girl and he could do nothing but stand, helpless, just as he had done in the assembly hall where…

He couldn’t even bring himself to say it.

He set the plate aside, and settled on the ground next to her.

Stroking her hair, he placed his fingers on hers and removed her arms one by one. He continued stroking her hair till she turned her head to look at him.

He tried to smile, but what man can successfully do so when the wife he loves so much is outraged like no human should ever be?

Extending his arms, as if inviting her, he pleaded, “Please?”

She shook her head, refusing.

“Please?” he whispered, hoarsely, the word breaking.

Draupadi shut her eyes and covered her ears, but she couldn’t stop a treacherous, jagged sob from escaping her throat.

When she opened them a while later, he was still holding his arms out to her.

She cried openly now, each sob a question.

Why did you not stop Yudhishtir?

Why did you stop Bheem?

Why did you not catch me when I fell?

Why did you not? Why did you not shield me?

Why?

Why.

The most painful question of our existence.

He moved closer, holding her head against his heart crying with her. She flung her arms around him, clutching his shoulders for support as she wept without cover. Each sniff, each sob, each sound that emitted from her throat goaded Arjun’s tears.

Neither of them said anything; words were useless and all that had to be said had been said and whatever hadn’t would be forgotten.

He stroked her back with his palm in a desperate attempt to calm her down.

When her shoulders stopped trembling, he reached for the plate.

“I don’t think I can eat,” she whispered. “Everything hurts too much.”

His eyes were downcast.

Then looking up and smiling widely he said, “Let’s try that game you play with Prativindhya.”

Then dunking a piece of roti in lentils he held it up to her mouth, “One bite for Pitashree…”

She ate the piece of roti.

“One bite for Dhristadyumna…One bite for Shikhandin, there you go! One for Madhav, one for Prativindhya… ah let’s try the rice…one for Sutsoma, one for Srutakirti…”

He went on. For once, someone took care of the woman who took care of the land.

Draupadi’s eyes prickled once more.

He cupped her face with his clean hand, shaking his head.

An attendant came up with bowl for him to wash his fingers in.

Washing his fingers he asked the attendant to send for Nakul or Sahadev.

“I don’t want my wounds cleaned or healed,” she whispered hoarsely.

He was about to protest but she cut him off, turning away.

“I wish to sleep…and just sleep.”

His shoulders sagged in defeat. How he wished to take this pain away from her! It was all his fault: he had given her only sorrow from the moment he had met her, while her very footsteps were the promise of happiness. Divided, unloved, and insulted! That was the saga of the fire-born.

“I hope it will be dreamless,” she said softly.

“No. I hope you-“

“If I do dream, it will be a nightmare. That’s all there is for me: skipping from one nightmare to the next.”

He kissed her shoulder.

“No my fierce Agni. You skip from one battlefield to the next, winning all your wars,” he whispered.

“Yours?” she asked her gaze piercing his.

Arjun’s throat hurt with a hard lump. Could he really claim her after practically disowning her in public? If he had any conscience, any modicum amount of respect he wouldn’t. But the truth is free from complex emotions like these, and the truth was simply that Draupadi was the first girl he had made place for in his life. Whatever had transpired after, had not affected that truth.

“Always mine Draupadi. No matter how useless I was when you were made to marry the five of us, no matter how helpless I was last night, no matter whatever happened between us: I will always be yours and you, my love, will always be mine, “ he said realization dawning in his eyes.

She nodded simply.

“Paarth Panchali,” she said simply.

“Panchali’s Paarth,” he said drawing her closer to him.

She did not know whether these were just words; indeed she could not trust the air she breathed or the ground she walked on anymore.

He laid her head on the cushion of his lap, still cradling her neck, like he had done with their child. He bent down to kiss her forehead, but his lips trembled violently with supressed crying. His breath came out in fits and starts, his tears flowing freely down her face.

Suddenly lifting his head, he rubbed off his tears harshly…until Draupadi’s fingers lightly traced the path his fists had taken.

“Why are you so good to me?” he whispered.

“Let us not compare our sacrifices, and the love we have for each other…it is impractical,” she said. “…I still want to sleep.”

He smiled, patting her forehead in a rhythmic pattern.

An attendant came in to draw the curtains open, to let the soft moon light in. It spread through the room, lightly touching everything with its soft sheen.

Her eyes were still open awhile later.

Softly he sang, till her eyes lulled shut, and her breath grew steady.

Kahin door sitaaron pe, chanda ke ishaaron pe,   
Palne ko tere jo, pariyon ne jhulaaya re…  
So ja re, so ja re!

Sapnon mein kho ja re….


End file.
